Moving On

Today I said goodbye. After any great binge spree (mine lasting of two weeks and 15lbs). I had a day worthy of envy from competitive food eaters. I eat constantly the entire day, I try not to think or even check labels I just shove it into by body and let myself go numb into the states of a food comma.
Now at the depths of the late night AMs I stare at my growing stomach, and feel my body's ill temperament screaming as it deals with the intensive amount of calories, carbs, sugars, and fats. I do this so I can feel the nightmare so I can become afraid.  It's the equivalent to a friend splashing cold water in your face or a sudden slap. After this intense shock, I then become very euphoric and clear headed. I can finally discover what I truly want and what I want more then anything in this world is to be skinny.
Up until two weeks ago I was a vegan I lasted all of august and the first two weeks of September. Ever since I have stopped, my skin has become the perfect soil for the acne crops to sprout this season. Due to the excessive weight gain and pimple problems I am literally afraid to go out anymore. Tomorrow I have no school and most of my friends have gone to parties I chose to stay in and eat. Yes that's right... pathetic.  I only ever really have a good time going out is when I starving myself. I miss it. I truly miss and it and I feel lost without it. I need this fresh start tomorrow. I need to get back to my old ways. This isn't me this person I have become these last two weeks it isn't me. I am waking up tomorrow.

Goal#1: 119 (oct. 10th)
Calories per day: 200,400, 500 rotation.
Gym time: 90 minutes cardio everyday.
Food intake: gluten free, vegan (mostly raw).

Hopefully this new plan will help me strive to my goal, and help clear my skin.
Time for a little thinspiration: